No Complaints by Ben Renshaw

How much time do you spend in the complaints department of your life? I started this year with a personal assignment – no complaints in 2011. Now I’m not going to start complaining about how tough this challenge is for myself, however I am going to share three ways to support the journey if you so wish to join me.

The idea of no complaints occurred a couple of years when I was attending an Enneagram retreat in America with our much loved teachers Don Riso and Russ Hudson, www.enneagraminstitute.com. I was there in the company of my great friends Robert Holden and Avril Carson. At one point in the programme I was sharing some of my dilemmas with the group when Don challenged me to reflect upon the truth of my life. He asked me to answer ‘yes’ or ‘no’ to the following type of questions, ‘Do I have a family who love me?’ ‘Do I do work I love?’ ‘Do I work with a team I love?’ ‘Do I enjoy good health?’ The questions continued. Unfortunately the only answer I could give to every question was a wholehearted ‘YES’. This did not bear well for my addiction to complaining. Back at that point Don gave me the assignment to stop complaining for 30 days. I can’t remember exactly how long I lasted but it was not an inspiring performance.

Coming into 2011 I conducted a health-check of my life. I have an amazing family with 3 gorgeous kids. I am blessed with the work I do in the world. I spend time with a great team at The Happiness Project. I realised I have nothing ‘real’ to complain about. However, I still found the temptation to moan strong. It was time to recommit to no complaints. Thankfully I’ve got friends who really want to help me with this assignment so it came as a welcome gift when Robert presented me with a book entitled ‘A Complaint Free World’, with an accompanying purple bracelet to wear. The goal is to go for 21 days without making any internal, or external complaints! If you do catch yourself complaining you’ve got to switch wrists with the bracelet. I have yet to spend an entire day with the bracelet on one wrist, however I am determined that by the end of 2011 it will be living happily on my right arm.

The experience of no complaints is one of the most powerful assignments I have ever undertaken. It feels like I am living in a permanent state of heightened awareness. I recognise that almost every thought I have has the potential to be a complaint. Here is an opportunity to really clean up my act and start a new level of gratitude for the world.

If the idea of stopping complaining resonates with you I suggest the following 3 ideas to support you along the way:

1. Tell your partner, a friend or team member. It’s too hard to do it on your own. Make sure at least one trusted person is in the know so that they can help keep you on track.
2. Wear a complaint free world bracelet. Go visit www.acomplaintfreeworld.org. However, be aware that it takes 7-14 days to arrive. When one of my friends went to order one she complained that it took too long to arrive, which was not a great start!
3. Write down one gratitude a day. Gratitude is the perfect antidote to complaining plus there is more and more research that shows gratitude is a shortcut to happiness www.actionforhappiness.com

Let me know how it goes! Ben

Valentine's Day: Loving Everyone

Happy Valentine’s Day to you. Traditionally, Valentine’s Day is the day we show our love to one special person in our life. This is a lovely thing to do. That said, I feel that Valentine’s Day would be even lovelier if we made it a day to show our love to everyone in our life. Everyone must also include our self too. Maybe we could start a new tradition. Starting from today. Below is a short poem called “Loving Everyone.”

If you want to find someone
to love,
I recommend you start
loving everyone
immediately.

Love will find you if you are
being the love
that
you
are.

If you want to learn how
to love someone
with all your
heart,
I advise you to fall in love
with everyone
a little bit
more.

Loving everyone is the key
to loving
someone.

And if you want someone
to love you
more,
I urge you to get on with it,
and to start
loving yourself.

Someone has to do it.
It may as well be you.
Show us how it is done.
So that you make it easy
for us to love
you too.