Find True Happiness: Interview for Oprah.com

On Friday this week I will wrap up another Be Happy 8-week happiness course, held in London, UK. The end of the program always feels bittersweet to me. I am already grieving and I am so grateful for the journey we have been on. And it’s not over yet!

For the last eight weeks a group of fifty people have participated in a deep inquiry into life’s #1 goal: happiness. The theme for this year has been, giving up the search for happiness. In particular, we have explored the difference between “searching for happiness” and “following your joy.” The “searching” paradigm takes you outside of yourself and focuses forever on the future; the “following” paradigm helps you to meet yourself and to live more fully in the present tense.

Over eight weeks we have worked our way through a series of workshops, home study modules, daily e-mails, and have also participated on an online discussion board. We have explored the #1 Happiness Principle, The Self-Acceptance Formula, Healing Unhappiness, The Happiness Scale, 100 Gratitudes, the Receiving Meditation, the Forgiveness Principle, our Family Story about happiness, and much more. It has been a rich inquiry, and I am grateful to everyone who has participated.

Stephanie Mitchell for Oprah.com interviewed me recently about the Be Happy 8-week program. Her article is entitled Find True Happiness. In the interview Stephanie outlines ten ways to be a finder, not a searcher. She captures the spirit of my work very well.

The next Be Happy 8-week course will be held in London, in October-November 2010. You can book your place now.

In Search of Optimism by Ben Renshaw, 2nd November, 2009

The Happiness Project receives countless invitations from the press to contribute to features on happiness, relationships and success. However, the call we got from Helen at the Evening Standard was a particularly challenging request: coach a cynical journalist to become optimistic in 7 days. Enjoying a challenge I agreed to meet and get to work. Our first conversation was held at Helen’s impressive home in the heart of Notting Hill. It was a good reminder that material possessions don’t necessarily translate to a sunny disposition. We sat down to a delicious dinner and were joined by her teenage son who was on the verge of going back to boarding school following the summer holidays.

The initial conversation revolved around her son and the difficulties of succeeding in an academic environment when your natural strengths lie in having a more creative and intuitive outlook. In particular we focused on the potential impact of needing to achieve a grade in one subject that could determine future university possibilities. He was initially putting most of his eggs in one basket and was experiencing anxiety about not getting the required grade. We explored how different mindsets could affect his behaviour, and eventually he was able to recognise that by taking a broader approach and keeping his options open it would enable him to perform better. I shared with him the idea that, ‘Optimism is not positive thinking, it is the willingness to explore new ways of looking at things to arrive at a creative solution.’

He then headed off to complete his homework and our conversation then touched on a variety of daily challenges for Helen including how to complete deadlines for work, manage difficult relationships with editors, have the courage to only take on work that truly inspires and handle the feelings of having both her sons return back to boarding school. Helen described herself as a pessimist and initially rallied against the idea of applying optimism to these difficulties. Upon further exploration we got down to the heart of the resistance, which was a misunderstanding about what is optimism.


It is very common for people to think that optimism is simply ‘positive thinking’. However, as Tal Ben-Shar a professor who teaches the very popular positive psychology course at Harvard University says, “Optimalists are not those who believe everything happens for the best, but those who make the best of everything that happens.”

I set Helen some simple tasks to complete the following week:

1. Each day ask the question, ‘What is success today?’ This is the question at the heart of our sister project, Success Intelligence and lends itself to the profound inquiry of defining success in your life, work and relationships.

2. Keep a ‘gratitude diary’. This exercise is at the centre of the Happiness Project and encourages us to start truly appreciating the gift of being alive.

3. Commit to self-acceptance. This exercise can be the most challenging. The majority of us are experts at putting ourselves down and judging ourselves harshly. Self-acceptance is the art of extending compassion and non-judgment to ourselves so that we are able to manage situations in a more constructive way.

4. Observe your thoughts. We use an analogy at the Happiness Project that thoughts are like buses. Just because a bus passes by it doesn’t mean you have to get on it. Psychologists estimate that we think approx. 40,000 thoughts a day. Just because we are having a thought doesn’t mean we have to act on it, or believe it.

I must say I was surprised when Helen’s article hit the press to discover that there appeared to be a profound shift in her outlook. As she put it, “Perhaps the greatest insight I gained was that thoughts, no matter how terrifying, are just thoughts.”

To read the article in full visit
http://www.thisislondon.co.uk/lifestyle/article-23746824-the-new-optimism-how-you-can-be-happy.do

Ending the Search for Happiness

Today is the start of a new eight-week happiness course, called Be Happy. Over the next two months, a group of approximately fifty people will gather in Central London to participate in a journey that will explore one of life’s most cherished and elusive goals - happiness. This year, one of the major themes we will investigate is, giving up the search for happiness.

I wonder, has it ever occurred to you that the search for happiness can be a major block to happiness? In the beginning, the search for happiness seems honest enough. However, I would ask you, how long do you really need to search for? One week? One month? One more year? One more workshop? My first spiritual mentor, an Indian yogi and philosopher, insisted that the search for happiness can be over in the blink of an eye, if, that is, you accept you are what we seek.

How exactly might the search for happiness be a block to happiness? Here are five insights for you to consider.

1. Outside You: The search for happiness arises from the erroneous belief that happiness is outside you. This displacement takes happiness away from its proper place, just as the search for happiness also takes you away from yourself. Happiness is not outside you. Until you accept that happiness is your true nature you will keep searching for happiness in all the wrong places.

2. Not Here: The search for happiness conditions you to think that happiness is somewhere else other than where you are right now. Mistakenly, you believe that happiness is a destination, and a place to get to. This causes you to race through your life so as to get to happiness. In an effort to get to some sacred place you overlook the beautiful ordinary, and you fail to see what is here already. Your searching is a form of blindness.

3. Not Now: The search for happiness implies that happiness is in the future, and not now. Mistakenly, you put all of your efforts into a happy future that is apparently on its way. Meanwhile, you live in the not-now. You use all of your “nows” as stepping stones to get you to the next moment, and the next. You have no time to be happy, right now. You hope to be happy soon, but your future ends up being the same as what you are doing now.

4. To Objectify: If you believe that happiness is outside of you, you can’t help but objectify happiness. This means you end up defining happiness as an “it” or a “thing” that exists in other places and in other people. This objectification encourages you to go shopping for happiness. Instead of being happy, you try to have happiness by attracting it, catching it, buying it, and keeping it. True happiness is not another coffee machine!

5. To Find: The search for happiness can be never-ending because searching is not the same as finding. At some point on your life-journey, you have to be willing to stop being a searcher, and be a finder. For example, instead of searching for love, find out how loving you can be. And, instead of searching for your purpose, choose one. And, instead of seeking after happiness, find within yourself a willingness and openness to be happy now, and to share your happiness with the world.

Ironically, it’s only when you give up the search for happiness that you actually find happiness. So, just for today, try this simple experiment. Make it your intention to find happiness today. Stop and recognize your true nature. Appreciate where you are right here. Enjoy this moment right now. Choose to be instead of to have. And be willing to see that happiness cannot be found in the world until you are willing to share it first.

Oprah.com: 10 Keys to Finding Happiness

Today is the official UK launch date of Be Happy. It’s published by Hay House UK, and Jo Burgess in publicity is keeping me very busy doing articles and interviews for radio, press, TV, and online. As a result we are busy updating the Media Appearances section at www.robertholden.org and www.behappy.net. Do check it out.

Today, Oprah.Com has published an article of mine called 10 Ways to Finding Happiness. If you want to read more, click here. To wet your appetite here are my first three suggestions:

Define Happiness

What is your definition of a happy life? Are you living it? Think carefully on this because your definition of happiness will influence every other significant decision in your life. For example, if you think happiness is outside you, you will make happiness into a search, a catch, or a reward that you must earn. If, however, you know happiness is inside you then happiness becomes a compass, a teacher, and an enabler that helps you to live your best life.

Accept Yourself

Without self-acceptance, you will limit and block how much happiness, prosperity, love, and success you will enjoy. The miracle of self-acceptance is that if you are willing to accept happiness already exists in you, you will begin to experience more happiness around you. The law of acceptance is what activates the law of attraction. Being willing to accept yourself is the first step to bringing out the best in yourself.

Follow Your Joy

There is a world of difference between searching for happiness and following your joy. Following your joy is about listening to your heart’s desires, noticing what truly inspires you, and recognizing your soul’s purpose. A good starting point is to reflect on the question “When am I at my happiest?” People who follow their joy discover a depth of talent and creativity that inspires us all.

Real Happiness: What is the Real More you Want?

Anna Pasternak (pictured left), author and journalist, attended the recent Real More workshop held over two days in central London. She has written a personal account of her experience that was published in the Daily Mail on August 24th. Her article is entitled “More Please: More money, more security, more certainty... would it really make us any happier?” Anna’s trademark style is hugely personal, insightful, and witty. Whatever she writes about she always gets to the heart of the matter. Her article is a great read.

Have you heard of the term “static happiness?” Ever since happiness researchers have measured happiness and well-being levels they have noticed an interesting phenomenon that is, in spite of the fact that we have more of everything we say we want we are not any happier. For example, in the US, when people were asked in 1940 to score their happiness, the average answer was 7.5 out of 10. Most recently, the average answer is 7.2 out of 10. There are similar scores for the UK, Japan, Australia and other countries.

Try this exercise: take a moment to score how happy you were, on average, from 0 to 10, when you were 7 years old. For example, 7.5 out of 10. Next, score how happy you were when you were 16 years old, 21 years old, 5 years ago, last year, and today. What do your scores tell you about your relationship to happiness? Are you happier today than before? Are you suffering from “static happiness?” And what about the future? How happy do you think you will be in one year’s time? And in five year’s time?

What is the real more that would help you to be happier - starting from now? Think not just about “getting” and “having” and “attracting” and “receiving”; but also about “being” and “giving” and “noticing” and “appreciating.” Give this important question some of your best attention. You have the answer within you right now. As Anna Pasternak highlights in her article: the key to happiness isn’t more stuff; it’s more clarity.

The Real More workshop received rave reviews, and we will definitely be running it again next year. Dates will be announced soon.

The Real More: "The Start of Something Wonderful"

This morning I begin a two-day workshop in London called The Real More. This workshop is billed as “A Series of Meditations on More.” It is an invitation to reflect on what is the real more that we most want in our lives. More specifically, what is the real more we want to be, to know, to experience, to give, and to receive. The first principle we will explore is, when you know what you really want, you stop wanting more of everything else.

I am joined on The Real More workshop by my friends Avril Carson, Ian Lynch, Lizzie Prior, Bron Wilton, Candy Constable, Charlie Shand, and Robert Norton - each of who will help to create an event that is rich in poetry, meditations, music, inquiry, conversations, and exercises. I have a strong sense that this weekend will be the start of something wonderful - opening us all up to new levels of prosperity and joy. The Real More will begin with the following poem, which I wrote especially for this event, entitled “The Start of Something Wonderful.”

It's time to do
nothing.

Start doing
nothing immediately.

Make doing
nothing your work
today.

Do nothing,
and do not even make
it a technique.

This doing nothing is
a divine opportunity.

It interrupts the past.
It changes the future.
And your soul is ready
to act now.

Doing nothing,
in its purest form,
is receptivity.

Your non-action draws to
you extra
possibility.

Doing nothing is the start
of something
wonderful.

It is what an orchestra does
to sound the first note
of a symphony.

It is what each of us must do
if we are let the divine
act through us.

Doing nothing
is holy work.

Out of the nothingness,
a new adventure
begins.

Starting
from
now.

Poem: "Prizes of NOW"

Hello Monday morning!
It's the start of the week. Just another week, or, maybe a brand new week. Our choice, I imagine. Monday mornings are the perfect time to think again about what is success and what is happiness. Ten minutes is enough to clear the mind, to listen to your heart, and to align yourself with what is truly important. But I urge you to do it before the busyness kicks in and before the daily rush takes you away from yourself. Do it now. To support you in your meditation here is a poem I wrote called "Prizes of NOW."


This constant busyness is not really
my life.

The urge to keep moving forward
is not it either.

The daily schedule is mostly a
distraction, truth be told.

If I was to stop, I mean really stop,
I fear I might lose my way. But I
am already lost.

If I was to stop, I mean totally stop,
I fear I might fall apart. But my
life is already in pieces.

If I was stop, stop, stop,
I fear I might die.
And yet, because I will not stop,
I fear I am not really alive.

It’s in the spaces that exist in the
chains of busyness, that
I find myself again.

It’s when I stand still, even for just
a moment, that I win the
prizes of now.

It’s when I am willing not to be too
busy that I really start
to live.

Hay House Radio broadcasts my talk at the Toussaint Academy in San Diego

I am delighted to say that Hay House Radio are broadcasting the talk I gave recently in San Diego to the young people at the Toussaint Academy. This talk was part of the "Authors in Action" initiative started by Melanie Lococo, the Director of Giving, at Hay House.

It was such a highlight and an honour for me to give this talk at the Toussaint Academy.

Click here to listen to the broadcast, and find out how to get the show "On Demand" after it's original air time. There is also a link on this page to the transcript of an interview I gave during my time in San Diego for the I Can Do It! conference.

P.S. Imagine this: one day every organization in the world will have a Director of Giving!

Celebrate Your LIfe: I Choose Love

Today I am giving the closing keynote at the Celebrate Your Life conference in Chicago. My keynote will feature a guest appearance by the outstanding musician and songwriter, Shawn Gallaway.

I first came across Shawn’s music about 8 week ago. I was sent a copy of his video for his song “I Choose Love.” I liked it so much I immediately bought his album on ITunes. The song “I Choose Love” is so beautiful, I found myself playing it over and over. In fact, one day I put it on my Ipod, hit “Repeat,” and went running to the song for about an hour around Central Park, New York. I also started listening to the song as part of my preparation for delivering my keynote talks and workshops.

Two weeks after first hearing “I Choose Love,” I travelled to San Diego to participate in the I CAN DO IT Conference. Who should I meet there? Shawn Gallaway! There he was, just sitting in the crowd. I recognized him immediately. We have been in conversation ever since. AND, today, Shawn Gallaway will be singing “I Choose Love” as part of my keynote for “Celebrate Your Life.” Do you believe in synchronicity, or is it all random for you?!

Do check out Shawn Gallaway’s website. His mission is empowering people to create a reality based on love not fear.He is a multi-talented artist, a genuinely good fellow, and his star is rising. Please watch his fantastic video to “I Choose Love.” It is a blessing.

Ending the Search for Happiness

Today I am doing a 1-day workshop on Be Happy at the NY Open Center down at Spring Street. It is an honour to be teaching at a place that has offered such consistent, visionary service to so many people over the years.

One of the goals of my work with The Happiness Project is to help people end the search for happiness and be happy now. The whole point of focusing on “happiness now” is to be able to stop searching and to start seeing. I believe that the purpose of our life is not to search for happiness; it is to follow our joy. Today, we will be exploring this idea in depth. In light of this, I offer you a poem entitled “In Search of happiness.”

In search of happiness,
I abandon myself.
The searching is a blindness.
I cannot see.

But I do not realize that
I cannot see.
And I cannot see, just yet,
what I am doing to
myself.

In search of happiness,
I lose myself.
I cannot find what I am
looking for because I
do not know what I am
looking for.

There is no search and find.
It is only search and
search and
search.


In search of happiness,
I call out to myself.
I want help. I want help.
Help is what I want.

I am tired. I am tired.
I am too tired to be happy.
I am too tired to be helped.
At first.

In search of happiness,
I find myself.
I am what I have been
looking for.

I come home again to a
place in me where All
is well.

I come home again to
a part of me that is All
of me.

I am no longer searching,
and I can see.
I can see.

Good Morning America! - 5 Ways to Be Happy NOW

I have just got back from my interview on Good Morning America with THE Diane Sawyer.  The Interview was a JOY to do, and they have already posted the clip online: BE HAPPY - RELEASE THE POWER OF HAPPINESS IN YOU.

The lovely thing was - my wife, Hollie and my daughter, Bo got to be in the studio while we did the live recording! And so too was Ian Lynch, the Happiness Project Office Manager, whose birthday it is today.  Happy Birthday Ian!

Bo Holden: Shall We Have Some Fun Today?

My daughter, Bo, has recently celebrated her second birthday.  As you can see by the picture of her, she is all grown up now. 

Recently, Bo has taken to waking me up each morning with a little question that she whispers ever so sweetly into my ear.  The question is, Daddy, shall we have some fun today? 

What an invitation.

It’s the way Bo says it that really gets me.  She makes it sound so appealing. How can I say “No” to her?

Having fun is Bo’s greatest priority.  To her, that’s what life is for.  On waking, she chooses fun. This choice is entirely spontaneous.  Nothing has to happen first before she chooses fun.  She doesn’t check to see if it’s the weekend; she doesn’t look outside to see what the weather is like; she doesn’t go online to check the Dow Jones index; she doesn’t look up her credit rating; and she doesn’t check her blood pressure first. 

Bo’s decision to enjoy her day appears to be entirely unassisted.  For example, she doesn’t meditate first, and then choose fun; she doesn’t do an affirmation, and then choose fun; she doesn’t drink a shot of wheatgrass or espresso, and then choose fun.  She doesn’t wait for the day to go well before she decides to enjoy it.  Bo simply enjoys herself.

And we can do the same.

In my book Be Happy I ask you to consider the question: what sort of a day have you decided to have today?  Are you conscious of what you decided?  Indeed, can you find the place in your mind where you have decided already how good today will be? 

In every moment there is a choice. 

And it is never too late to change your mind and enjoy yourself more.

Interview: Be Happy for KUSI San Diego TV

Over the last few weeks I have been travelling across America giving talks, workshops, and interviews on my latest book, Be Happy. Some of my personal highlights include visits to the I Can Do It! Conference in San Diego, the Unity Church in Houston, and Kripalu in Massachusetts.

Happiness is an important subject to us all, and this is especially true now in these difficult economic times.  Media interest in my work has been very high.  Attendances for my talks and workshops on Be Happy have been healthy.  And on the day of its launch, Be Happy went straight into the top 100 on Amazon. 

The recession is causing us to rethink our life.  In particular, it is making us think what true happiness is, what blocks our happiness, and also what can help us to enjoy greater happiness. To see another recent TV interview I did for KUSI TV in San Diego, click here. 

Robert Norton: By the Seashore

One of my greatest joys is to celebrate the successes of my friends, especially when their successes bring so much joy and inspiration to others.  On that note, I want to tell you about Robert Norton.

Robert Norton is a gifted musician.  He recently discovered that one of his tracks, called By the Seashore, from his album Painting the Ocean, is featured on a You Tube video called The Wave that has now been viewed over 380,000 times.  To acknowledge this, Robert has made the track available as a free download at his website www.robertnortonmusic.com  

My friendship with Robert goes back a long way.  Robert has played live on my 8-week happiness course for the last ten years.  Some of his albums, likeFollow Your Joy and Accepting Yourself, feature music that was recorded on these events.  When I write my books, and when I sit to meditate, I often play Robert’s songs.  His music helps me in my own creative journey. 

Most recently, Robert has provided music for my Be Happy Online 8-week course, hosted by Hay House.  Robert has generously made these tracks available for a free download atwww.robertnortonmusic.com  For further information about Robert’s workshops and concerts you can also visit www.creative-journeys.co.uk

Interview: Kripalu and Fox TV

I have just enjoyed a wonderful weekend at Kripalu, a retreat center for yoga, health, and holistic living, located in the Berkshires of western Massachusetts.  I was there to give a three-day workshop on Be Happy.  My wife Hollie and daughter Bo came too.  We loved it.  Thank you Denise Barack, for the invite. Thank you to those who attended the workshop.  And thank you to everyone who made us feel so welcome.

The Kripalu program is packed with inspiring offerings on health and wellness, science and spirituality, creativity and yoga.  While I was there I had the pleasure of meeting Bob Thurman who was facilitating a workshop on Everyday Yoga and also Michael Beckwith who was teaching on Spiritual Liberation.  I would definitely recommend Kripalu.  Great programs. Great location.  Great people.  Great food!

On Sunday afternoon, I made a trip over to Boston, to do an interview for Fox25 on Be Happy. It’s five minutes long, and you can watch it here.  

Be Happy - I CAN DO IT Conference - Hay House

I am currently in San Diego with my wife Hollie, daughter Bo, and sister-in-law Lizzie Prior. San Diego is beautiful. I have spent the week doing media interviews and giving talks locally.  This weekend I will give a 90-minute interactive workshop on my new book Be Happy at the Hay House I CAN DO IT! conference, which runs from April 30^th to May 3rd. 

I CAN DO IT! Conferences, hosted by Hay House Inc, are truly inspiring events.  Last year, I was fortunate enough to give keynote speeches at both the Las Vegas I CAN DO IT! and the Tampa I CAN DO IT! conferences.  This weekend, in San Diego, there will be a great list of authors including Louise Hay, Marianne Williamson, Wayne Dyer, and Thomas Moore.  If you can make it, do come.  If not, I would check out the Conference CDs that will be available on the Hay House website.  

The picture is of me with Louise Hay, in Tampa.  Louise has just done my make-up.   She wanted me to look my best for my audience. Not many people can claim that Louise Hay is their make-up artist!

Be Happy Online - Week 2: The Happy Self - April 22nd

I hosted Part One of the Be Happy Online course last Wednesday, April 15^th, and had a great response.  Thank you very much to all of you who called in and sent e-mails.  It was great fun to do, and I am looking forward to hosting Part Two this week.

Part Two of Be Happy Online is entitled:  The Happy Self.   This week, I will introduce you to the #1 Happiness Principle. I will also explore the difference between the pursuit of happiness and following your joy.  As before, I will offer a mix of principles and exercises, and I will also take your calls and e-mails.

If you missed the first week, don’t worry.  You can download it if you purchase a full ticket for theBe Happy Online course.

As a special offer, Hay House are offering for those who book now a complimentary copy of my flip calendar Happiness NOW.

To purchase a ticket for the full Be Happy Online Course at $99 go to Hay House. 

To purchase a ticket for just Part Two: The Happy Self of the Be Happy Online Course at $20 click here.

Be Happy Online - Week 1: The Gift of Happiness

On April 15th I will be hosting Part One of the first ever Be Happy Online course. This internet event is hosted by Hay House, publishers of my new book Be Happy.

Part One of Be Happy Online is entitled: The Gift of Happiness. In this seminar, I will teach you how to create a definition of happiness that you can really live by. I will also talk about the happy learning curve and show you how to identify your major life lessons about happiness.

As a special offer, Hay House are offering for those who book now a complimentary copy of my flip calendar Happiness NOW.

To purchase a ticket for the full Be Happy Online course at $99 go to Hay House.

To purchase a ticket for just Part One of the Be Happy Online course at $20 click here.

Be Happy - Available NOW in US

I am delighted to announce the publication of my new book Be Happy. While the official launch date is April 15th, the book is available now on Amazon.com and also in bookstores across America.

To celebrate the launch of Be Happy, my publishers Hay House have published a Be Happy film on You Tube.

Hay House has also issued an E-blast with a number of generous offers on it. For example:

If you order Be Happy now you will be entered to win two full-conference tickets to see me live at the I CAN DO IT! San Diego Conference on May 1-3, 2009 (including hotel accommodations for two nights). You can also enter to win access to my Be Happy eight-week online workshop starting on April 15 or the Be Happy Abridged Audio Book 6-CD Set. Winners will be chosen on Apr 13!

Also if you order Be Happy between April 2 and April 30 you will receive gifts from Hay House and sponsors, including: (1) Free access to Lesson #1 of my Be Happy eight-week online workshop ($20 value) and (2) Audio excerpts from the Be Happy Audio Book ($5.95 value).