Real Leadership by Ben Renshaw

“Leadership is not a job; it’s a wiliness to be more of who you already are.” Ben Renshaw

What’s your leadership philosophy? Do you think leadership is simply a job grade, role, or title? I find it fascinating that most people I coach in leadership positions have not stopped long enough to work out what real leadership is. Having now run leadership development programmes intensively over the last few years I have arrived at 5 key principles, which I believe are at the heart of real leadership:

1. Having a clear identity.

2. Defining an inspiring vision.

3. Building authentic relationships.

4. Creating great performance.

5. Discovering true meaning.

I recently put this into practice as a result of working with a great person who has just stepped into a dream role. They had a reputation for being a brilliant thinker, however would leave most people feeling incompetent and anxious as a result of their investigative style of working. Our initial coaching was designed to help them think about who they really are, as ‘the only way you can really lead is to be real.’ They then defined an inspirational vision, which helped them to go beyond simply ticking off their ‘to-do’ list. This has allowed them to develop far more genuine relationships, and I know in time will create better performance in their team. The icing on the cake has been their willingness to recognise that life is too short just to have a job. They now get that ‘real leadership is knowing in every moment you can make a real difference.’

Real Leadership Workshop with Ben Renshaw

October 14, 2011

CLICK HERE TO BOOK

Email: info@successintelligence.com

Loveability - 3-Day Workshop by Lizzie Prior - my Experience.

I am privileged to be a member of the Happiness Project team - this means that I get to play my part in support of Robert Holden realising his vision for the public events that he presents. My main job is organising all the materials that we use on the events and a lovely part of my role in this team is that I get a sneaky peak of what we are going to be doing on the workshops as I design and prepare what we’ll all need to do the exercises.

On the 8/9/10 July 2011, we spent 3 days in a beautiful conversation about LOVE in the form of Robert's most recent creation: Loveability - How to Love and Be Loved. I can’t think of anything more interesting to spend 3 days doing and knowing the brilliance of every other event Robert has ever done, I knew we were in for a treat.

I am always deeply touched by our Happiness Team and how we gently support Robert and the group of delegates who have chosen to be with us on our events. We have done many events now and we have developed a seamless way of solving problems, being prepared, responding and working together to create truly loving environments on each of our programs. I am hugely grateful to be part of this team and to be meeting such lovely people who attend our courses.

One of my favourite exercises on the workshop was a repeating question – where you are invited to answer a question over and over again to inquire more deeply into your experience. The question we had to ask was: How do you know when you love someone ?

The answers started coming very easily to me, and as we were asking again and again, I discovered that it’s a two way thing. When I described the feeling of loving someone, referencing the people I am already in relationship with, I then identified what it means to be a loving person to everyone else in the world. For example, I said ‘I know I love someone when I look at them and don’t feel like I want to change them’. This had me see, at the end of the exercise, with a full list of how I know when I love someone, that I had come up with a recipe for being a loving person and one part of this recipe is that I can look at everyone in this world and the most loving thing I could do would be to accept everyone just as they are.

The freedom this brings to me when I am relaxed and gentle enough to allow it to land is wonderful!

The next Loveability 3-Day workshop with Robert is on 2/3/4 December this year. Click Here for more details.

Authentic Relationships by Ben Renshaw.

I’m sitting here in Sydney, overlooking the Harbour Bridge in glorious sunshine in-between visits to Singapore and Hong Kong running leadership programs for InterContinental Hotels. It’s rare for me to have a bit of time and space, as normally a Sunday morning is filled with my 3 gorgeous kiddies demanding pancakes and play. As I take a moment to reflect upon what has led me to this point in my life there is no doubt that the most significant factor has been relationships. My marriage to Veronica. My partnership with Robert Holden and The Happiness Project team. My family and friends. My clients. It’s simple really: great relationships = a great life. However, simple does not mean easy.

If I stripped away all the complexity surrounding relationships and distilled it down to the essence I would say, our ability to be ourselves in relationships is the single most important factor to develop great relationships. Authenticity gives our relationships the best chance to grow, strengthen and flourish.

In my forthcoming workshop on Authentic Relationships we’ll be taking a deep dive on some of the key elements of relationship success including gaining clarity about the real function of relationships, understanding the key barriers to growing relationships and tapping into the truth about relationship possibilities. In the meantime ask yourself, ‘What are the benefits of letting my relationships be even more authentic?’

Coaching Happiness - Is it Possible? by Ian Lynch

One of the hottest topics to hit the news in recent weeks has been on the subject
of making Happiness part of how we define the success of our nation. This is
no small thing.

Until recently, happiness was often treated as a touchy-feely subject by the media
and the government, fun for a newspaper or TV story, but no more than a filler item.
Against such a back-drop, The Happiness Project championed the need to have conversations
about happiness, for individuals, for relationships, and for true work and life success.

As part of the Happiness Project, Dr Robert Holden created an 8-week program to teach people to become happier. In 1996 the BBC aired the QED documentary "How to Be Happy" which charted the progress of several of the program's delegates. Seen by millions, this successful documentary was also part of a live Oprah Television Show in 2007 with Robert as the main feature.

In 2011 the work of The Happiness Project continues to shape thinking on how we can all help each other to be happier, and to create real meaning and success in our lives. Together with Success Intelligence, The Happiness Project has inspired countless thousands of people in learning tools and exercises to help them create happier and more meaningful ways of living and working.

Is it possible to become happier? Thankfully, yes it is. Is it possible to coach each other on how to become happier? Yes it is!

The Happiness Project has recently completed a one week course on coaching people
who wish to help themselves and others to be happier. The outcome? A stunning success. Based on 17 years of running a program famously tested by independent scientists and,
hailed as a 'genuine fast-track to happiness', the course gave 60 people the space, the opportunity and the exercises, to get clear on what happiness is for them, what supports it, what nurtures it and what sustains it.

Such is the success of this program, it is now going to be run for the very first time outside of the UK in New York this November, in conjunction with Hay House (Robert's publisher). Is this program for everyone? I would say it is for those who wish to experience a deeper, lasting joy and, to be able to share it with others.

What would you gain from joining this program? Well here are a couple of reflections
Kay Cook - Coaching Happiness Testimonial at www.YouTube.com
Louise Magee - Coaching Happiness Testimonial at www.YouTube.com
Emma Cousens - Coaching Happiness Testimonial at www.YouTube.com
Annie Blampied - Coaching Happiness Testimonial at www.YouTube.com

As cynical as we may be at first, times are definitely changing, and the first fledgling steps
are being taken by both Action for Happiness and the UK Government in conjunction with The Office for National Statistics, to make happiness a metric and a compass for our society. In addition, there is a London Conference on How to be Happy, on Saturday May 7th, where Robert will be the keynote speaker. Happiness is now here at last!

Ultimately, your own happiness is your gift to the world, and in sharing your happiness with others, you help to bring joy, peace, fun and love to the world and thus, truly make a difference.

May you be happy.

No Complaints by Ben Renshaw

How much time do you spend in the complaints department of your life? I started this year with a personal assignment – no complaints in 2011. Now I’m not going to start complaining about how tough this challenge is for myself, however I am going to share three ways to support the journey if you so wish to join me.

The idea of no complaints occurred a couple of years when I was attending an Enneagram retreat in America with our much loved teachers Don Riso and Russ Hudson, www.enneagraminstitute.com. I was there in the company of my great friends Robert Holden and Avril Carson. At one point in the programme I was sharing some of my dilemmas with the group when Don challenged me to reflect upon the truth of my life. He asked me to answer ‘yes’ or ‘no’ to the following type of questions, ‘Do I have a family who love me?’ ‘Do I do work I love?’ ‘Do I work with a team I love?’ ‘Do I enjoy good health?’ The questions continued. Unfortunately the only answer I could give to every question was a wholehearted ‘YES’. This did not bear well for my addiction to complaining. Back at that point Don gave me the assignment to stop complaining for 30 days. I can’t remember exactly how long I lasted but it was not an inspiring performance.

Coming into 2011 I conducted a health-check of my life. I have an amazing family with 3 gorgeous kids. I am blessed with the work I do in the world. I spend time with a great team at The Happiness Project. I realised I have nothing ‘real’ to complain about. However, I still found the temptation to moan strong. It was time to recommit to no complaints. Thankfully I’ve got friends who really want to help me with this assignment so it came as a welcome gift when Robert presented me with a book entitled ‘A Complaint Free World’, with an accompanying purple bracelet to wear. The goal is to go for 21 days without making any internal, or external complaints! If you do catch yourself complaining you’ve got to switch wrists with the bracelet. I have yet to spend an entire day with the bracelet on one wrist, however I am determined that by the end of 2011 it will be living happily on my right arm.

The experience of no complaints is one of the most powerful assignments I have ever undertaken. It feels like I am living in a permanent state of heightened awareness. I recognise that almost every thought I have has the potential to be a complaint. Here is an opportunity to really clean up my act and start a new level of gratitude for the world.

If the idea of stopping complaining resonates with you I suggest the following 3 ideas to support you along the way:

1. Tell your partner, a friend or team member. It’s too hard to do it on your own. Make sure at least one trusted person is in the know so that they can help keep you on track.
2. Wear a complaint free world bracelet. Go visit www.acomplaintfreeworld.org. However, be aware that it takes 7-14 days to arrive. When one of my friends went to order one she complained that it took too long to arrive, which was not a great start!
3. Write down one gratitude a day. Gratitude is the perfect antidote to complaining plus there is more and more research that shows gratitude is a shortcut to happiness www.actionforhappiness.com

Let me know how it goes! Ben

Valentine's Day: Loving Everyone

Happy Valentine’s Day to you. Traditionally, Valentine’s Day is the day we show our love to one special person in our life. This is a lovely thing to do. That said, I feel that Valentine’s Day would be even lovelier if we made it a day to show our love to everyone in our life. Everyone must also include our self too. Maybe we could start a new tradition. Starting from today. Below is a short poem called “Loving Everyone.”

If you want to find someone
to love,
I recommend you start
loving everyone
immediately.

Love will find you if you are
being the love
that
you
are.

If you want to learn how
to love someone
with all your
heart,
I advise you to fall in love
with everyone
a little bit
more.

Loving everyone is the key
to loving
someone.

And if you want someone
to love you
more,
I urge you to get on with it,
and to start
loving yourself.

Someone has to do it.
It may as well be you.
Show us how it is done.
So that you make it easy
for us to love
you too.

The Drama of Authenticity

“When do I feel most authentic?” This is the question I have been asking myself over the last week, in preparation for a workshop I am presenting tomorrow (Feb 1st, in Central London) with Ben Renshaw and Avril Carson called Authentic Success. Each day, for the last seven days, I have set aside 15 minutes to stop, be still, and sit with the question, “When do I feel most authentic?” Each time, I found the first five minutes or so to be very difficult: my mind would go blank, my heart wouldn’t register any feelings, and my body would get fidgety. I noticed I’d try to convince myself to cut short the fifteen minutes. Maybe I could read some inspirational quotations on authenticity instead. Someone else can do this for me.

Authenticity feels so natural, so why isn’t it easy? As I continued to sit with my inquiry, I gradually made contact with myself. It’s like I’d been away from myself, but I didn’t know it, not until just now: caught up in the habits of my personality; thinking thoughts all day long; busily trying to be someone; and putting on a face for all the other faces out there. Who is the real me? Not the personality that is manufactured in the world. The real me. Not the empty self that always wants something. The real me. Not a tinned version of a soul. The real me.

I kept sitting. I did not leave myself. I wanted to know my real thoughts. I wanted to feel my heart. I wanted to breathe more deeply again. My inquiry into “When do I feel most authentic?” felt frustrating and delightful; mysterious and illuminating; healing and joyful. I have long believed that being authentic is the key to success, happiness, love and all good things; but I have also experienced the fear of authenticity and so on. Such is the drama of authenticity. Such Is our daily challenge; and our daily choice. Success is recognizing who you really are; and happiness is letting yourself be you.

I hand the inquiry over to you now. When do you feel most authentic? Don’t let anyone else do your homework for you. Take fifteen minutes to stop, be still, and make contact with yourself.