Real Leadership by Ben Renshaw

“Leadership is not a job; it’s a wiliness to be more of who you already are.” Ben Renshaw

What’s your leadership philosophy? Do you think leadership is simply a job grade, role, or title? I find it fascinating that most people I coach in leadership positions have not stopped long enough to work out what real leadership is. Having now run leadership development programmes intensively over the last few years I have arrived at 5 key principles, which I believe are at the heart of real leadership:

1. Having a clear identity.

2. Defining an inspiring vision.

3. Building authentic relationships.

4. Creating great performance.

5. Discovering true meaning.

I recently put this into practice as a result of working with a great person who has just stepped into a dream role. They had a reputation for being a brilliant thinker, however would leave most people feeling incompetent and anxious as a result of their investigative style of working. Our initial coaching was designed to help them think about who they really are, as ‘the only way you can really lead is to be real.’ They then defined an inspirational vision, which helped them to go beyond simply ticking off their ‘to-do’ list. This has allowed them to develop far more genuine relationships, and I know in time will create better performance in their team. The icing on the cake has been their willingness to recognise that life is too short just to have a job. They now get that ‘real leadership is knowing in every moment you can make a real difference.’

Real Leadership Workshop with Ben Renshaw

October 14, 2011

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Email: info@successintelligence.com

Authentic Relationships by Ben Renshaw.

I’m sitting here in Sydney, overlooking the Harbour Bridge in glorious sunshine in-between visits to Singapore and Hong Kong running leadership programs for InterContinental Hotels. It’s rare for me to have a bit of time and space, as normally a Sunday morning is filled with my 3 gorgeous kiddies demanding pancakes and play. As I take a moment to reflect upon what has led me to this point in my life there is no doubt that the most significant factor has been relationships. My marriage to Veronica. My partnership with Robert Holden and The Happiness Project team. My family and friends. My clients. It’s simple really: great relationships = a great life. However, simple does not mean easy.

If I stripped away all the complexity surrounding relationships and distilled it down to the essence I would say, our ability to be ourselves in relationships is the single most important factor to develop great relationships. Authenticity gives our relationships the best chance to grow, strengthen and flourish.

In my forthcoming workshop on Authentic Relationships we’ll be taking a deep dive on some of the key elements of relationship success including gaining clarity about the real function of relationships, understanding the key barriers to growing relationships and tapping into the truth about relationship possibilities. In the meantime ask yourself, ‘What are the benefits of letting my relationships be even more authentic?’

No Complaints by Ben Renshaw

How much time do you spend in the complaints department of your life? I started this year with a personal assignment – no complaints in 2011. Now I’m not going to start complaining about how tough this challenge is for myself, however I am going to share three ways to support the journey if you so wish to join me.

The idea of no complaints occurred a couple of years when I was attending an Enneagram retreat in America with our much loved teachers Don Riso and Russ Hudson, www.enneagraminstitute.com. I was there in the company of my great friends Robert Holden and Avril Carson. At one point in the programme I was sharing some of my dilemmas with the group when Don challenged me to reflect upon the truth of my life. He asked me to answer ‘yes’ or ‘no’ to the following type of questions, ‘Do I have a family who love me?’ ‘Do I do work I love?’ ‘Do I work with a team I love?’ ‘Do I enjoy good health?’ The questions continued. Unfortunately the only answer I could give to every question was a wholehearted ‘YES’. This did not bear well for my addiction to complaining. Back at that point Don gave me the assignment to stop complaining for 30 days. I can’t remember exactly how long I lasted but it was not an inspiring performance.

Coming into 2011 I conducted a health-check of my life. I have an amazing family with 3 gorgeous kids. I am blessed with the work I do in the world. I spend time with a great team at The Happiness Project. I realised I have nothing ‘real’ to complain about. However, I still found the temptation to moan strong. It was time to recommit to no complaints. Thankfully I’ve got friends who really want to help me with this assignment so it came as a welcome gift when Robert presented me with a book entitled ‘A Complaint Free World’, with an accompanying purple bracelet to wear. The goal is to go for 21 days without making any internal, or external complaints! If you do catch yourself complaining you’ve got to switch wrists with the bracelet. I have yet to spend an entire day with the bracelet on one wrist, however I am determined that by the end of 2011 it will be living happily on my right arm.

The experience of no complaints is one of the most powerful assignments I have ever undertaken. It feels like I am living in a permanent state of heightened awareness. I recognise that almost every thought I have has the potential to be a complaint. Here is an opportunity to really clean up my act and start a new level of gratitude for the world.

If the idea of stopping complaining resonates with you I suggest the following 3 ideas to support you along the way:

1. Tell your partner, a friend or team member. It’s too hard to do it on your own. Make sure at least one trusted person is in the know so that they can help keep you on track.
2. Wear a complaint free world bracelet. Go visit www.acomplaintfreeworld.org. However, be aware that it takes 7-14 days to arrive. When one of my friends went to order one she complained that it took too long to arrive, which was not a great start!
3. Write down one gratitude a day. Gratitude is the perfect antidote to complaining plus there is more and more research that shows gratitude is a shortcut to happiness www.actionforhappiness.com

Let me know how it goes! Ben

In Search of Optimism by Ben Renshaw, 2nd November, 2009

The Happiness Project receives countless invitations from the press to contribute to features on happiness, relationships and success. However, the call we got from Helen at the Evening Standard was a particularly challenging request: coach a cynical journalist to become optimistic in 7 days. Enjoying a challenge I agreed to meet and get to work. Our first conversation was held at Helen’s impressive home in the heart of Notting Hill. It was a good reminder that material possessions don’t necessarily translate to a sunny disposition. We sat down to a delicious dinner and were joined by her teenage son who was on the verge of going back to boarding school following the summer holidays.

The initial conversation revolved around her son and the difficulties of succeeding in an academic environment when your natural strengths lie in having a more creative and intuitive outlook. In particular we focused on the potential impact of needing to achieve a grade in one subject that could determine future university possibilities. He was initially putting most of his eggs in one basket and was experiencing anxiety about not getting the required grade. We explored how different mindsets could affect his behaviour, and eventually he was able to recognise that by taking a broader approach and keeping his options open it would enable him to perform better. I shared with him the idea that, ‘Optimism is not positive thinking, it is the willingness to explore new ways of looking at things to arrive at a creative solution.’

He then headed off to complete his homework and our conversation then touched on a variety of daily challenges for Helen including how to complete deadlines for work, manage difficult relationships with editors, have the courage to only take on work that truly inspires and handle the feelings of having both her sons return back to boarding school. Helen described herself as a pessimist and initially rallied against the idea of applying optimism to these difficulties. Upon further exploration we got down to the heart of the resistance, which was a misunderstanding about what is optimism.


It is very common for people to think that optimism is simply ‘positive thinking’. However, as Tal Ben-Shar a professor who teaches the very popular positive psychology course at Harvard University says, “Optimalists are not those who believe everything happens for the best, but those who make the best of everything that happens.”

I set Helen some simple tasks to complete the following week:

1. Each day ask the question, ‘What is success today?’ This is the question at the heart of our sister project, Success Intelligence and lends itself to the profound inquiry of defining success in your life, work and relationships.

2. Keep a ‘gratitude diary’. This exercise is at the centre of the Happiness Project and encourages us to start truly appreciating the gift of being alive.

3. Commit to self-acceptance. This exercise can be the most challenging. The majority of us are experts at putting ourselves down and judging ourselves harshly. Self-acceptance is the art of extending compassion and non-judgment to ourselves so that we are able to manage situations in a more constructive way.

4. Observe your thoughts. We use an analogy at the Happiness Project that thoughts are like buses. Just because a bus passes by it doesn’t mean you have to get on it. Psychologists estimate that we think approx. 40,000 thoughts a day. Just because we are having a thought doesn’t mean we have to act on it, or believe it.

I must say I was surprised when Helen’s article hit the press to discover that there appeared to be a profound shift in her outlook. As she put it, “Perhaps the greatest insight I gained was that thoughts, no matter how terrifying, are just thoughts.”

To read the article in full visit
http://www.thisislondon.co.uk/lifestyle/article-23746824-the-new-optimism-how-you-can-be-happy.do